Review: Bacon Lube

No one can deny the love, nay the obsession that we have with bacon these days. People will add it to anything that they can think to when it comes to food, bacon is used as something that upgrades food from normal to awesome. I am not innocent in this, I have a few times made a batch of Chocolate Chip Bacon Cookies or tried my share of deep-fried bacon at the Rodeo. But these are things that I treat myself to once and awhile. So it didn’t surprise me when I saw that someone had thought that if you add bacon to sex, it will make it even better, which gave us Bacon Lube This made me jump on the chance that Good Vibrations gave me when I saw they where looking to get reviews on it.

Oh and how I wish they where right, but some things just weren’t meant to be.

Bacon Lube was formulated by J&D’s Foods, and originally was made as the result of a response to an April Fools Joke. It is a clear water based lube that funny enough is 100% Veagan and Gluten-free.

Ingredients: Water, Glycerin, Hydroxyethyl-cellulose, Potassium sorbate, Sodium Saccharin, Artificial Flavor, and Citric Acid.

The 2 oz plastic bottle comes packaged in a simple box that labels it not only as a personal lubricant but as a delicious massage oil. The bottle itself reads Bacon Lube on one side with the J&D Foods logo, and the other side has a picture of a nicely cooked peice of bacon with the phrase ‘Keep it Sizzlin” across it.

The bottle is slender and easy to hold, however for me the plastic is hard and the first time I tried to actually get some of the lube out I had to squeeze VERY hard to even get a drop. I was almost afraid I was going to spray lube everywhere. So instead I took off the cap…and suddenly it hit me.

The smell of bacon, no it wasn’t that smell that you imagine in the morning. Bacon wafting in from the kitchen that gets your lips curling into a smile. No this was that, oh god…someone BURNT the bacon smell. Too much smoke and too much salt was what suddenly overwhelmed me. It actually had me gagging. This was in no way sexy, at least to me. I had to put it down and walk away for a few moments before I could continue.

The smell had put me off to trying to taste test it for a few days. I would pick it up and open it, the smell once more throwing its burnt pork blanket over my senses. But I knew I had to, so I took the plunge eventually.

I did so when I was testing out how it felt on the skin. The lube itself is thin, it doesn’t sink as well into my skin as other water based lubes I have tried, though I didn’t find it to be sticky. After putting it on the back of my hand I let it run down my arm for a ten count and traveled about 5 inches in a slow drip. Watching it I finally just ran my tounge over it to taste.

Regret. That is what I felt in that moment. Regret. It smelled like burnt bacon so I was ready for burnt bacon taste. But this just tasted like over sweetened bacon. There was so much sugar! Once again I found myself gagging, as I did and looked at the bottle I suddenly wondered.

What is this going to do to my toys?

As a water based lube, Bacon Lube can be used on every type of material that is used these days for toys safely. But I was worried about the scent lingering on some of my nicer toys. I almost didn’t want to find out, but I knew I would be a poor reviewer if I didn’t. Someone has to right?

So I broke out 4 of my toys. One made of Rubber, Plastic, Glass and Silicone. It was time for some sex toy science.

So what I did was I put a drop of the lube on each, made sure each was covered nicely and allowed it to sit for an hour. Then I washed them in the best way depending on the material. My control was my hand.

Hand/Skin: Washed with soap (natural ingredients made of coconut and grapefruit oil) and water. After washing it 3 times, I can still smell the bacon.

Rubber: Rinsed with hot water. Some how the bacon smell went away, but the rubber smell was more pronounced.

Plastic: Antibacterial soap and hot water. Lingered after a first wash, but after a second wash scent was gone.

Glass: Wiped down with toy wipe first, smell was still strong. Washed on the top rack of the dishwasher, came out with no smell lingering.

Silicone: Wiped down with toy wipe first, smell was still very strong. Washed on the top rack of the dishwasher, came out with no smell lingering.

So it won’t ruin your good toys, but if you are using it with someone made of anything other the plastic (Rubber, PVC, Jelly…) then it seems like it just brings out the chemical smells that these toys tend to have.

Overall, I do not recommended Bacon Lube for actual use. I don’t see anyone actually enjoying smelling like burnt bacon or wanting to have their partner smell like it either. However, if you have a friend or partner that really enjoys bacon, this could be a funny gag gift to get them. Or even for a Vegan/Vegetarian friend who might be missing bacon if they have a good sense of humor.

Thank you too Good Vibrations for letting me review this product, in exchange for an honest review.

About scarletrosefox

A late 20's kinky geek. Submissive. Bisexual. Writer. Lover of Corsets. Reviewer.
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5 Responses to Review: Bacon Lube

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