30 Days of Kink Redux: Day 3

(No you did not miss day 2 please see the main post on 30DoKRedux for details!)

Day 3: How did you discover you were kinky?

You know when I first wrote about this I went on a little bit how it was tough to pinpoint a time that I knew I was kinky. I grew up as a child with AOL and found myself poking around the roleplay chat rooms. That and a curiosity for the books I found in my parent’s room made for one kinky teenager who was writing about things she had never experienced but knew that it gave her a thrill to even think about.

Looking back I found that I was shaping a lot of my biggest kinks as well as finding my hardest limits during that time. With the ambiguity of the internet to hide behind I had a place to experiment where I wouldn’t be judged. I didn’t think to worry about who I was doing this with because I could always block them if they got too persistent or pushy about trying to get to know who I was behind the screen name.  Because that wasn’t what I was looking for, that isn’t to say I didn’t eventually do things like that. But it was never what I was looking for not back then, the encounters were with other teens who were fumbling as well with their sexuality and so I thought maybe this isn’t what I am looking for.

It wasn’t until I had moved out from my parent’s place, I was able to stretch and I did find that I wasn’t alone. I found more resources and more information about the things I was into. I had friends who told me that no, this was a thing. This was in my 20’s that this happened and so I sort of dove in head first. I was with my boyfriend at the time who tried his hardest to give me the things I craved, but it was a hard thing to fulfill because as we figured out at the end of the relationship…we were both very submissive and did not have a switchy bone in our bodies. So when the first super dominant guy came into my life, I clung to it like a lifesaver thinking that it was all I needed. I knew what I wanted but I still didn’t have the best way of communicating it, I let him make all the choices and it soon turned into a weapon for controlling me. But that is how I had played so long ago so it had to be right.

This is when the true discovery started, I started this blog in hopes to discover more about me as a sexual person. I wanted to have a place where I could get the thoughts out and learn more. The layers of the true kinky self-starting to peel back what had been hiding behind the layers that had been created by teenage me.  I was able to find the kinky ethical informed slut that I was under all of it. I found my enjoyment of reviewing toys, of performing on cam and being open about my kink rather than hiding it in my bedroom. I wanted to make it more of my life but knew that I couldn’t do it with the person I was with, while I loved them our relationship on that level was toxic.  So I stepped back and took time away from that to just build me, to grow more into the person that I wanted to be through the introspection that I had never really taken the time to give my younger self.

So really I didn’t discover my true kinky self until well into my 30s, which I am honestly grateful for.

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30 Days of Kink Redux: Day 1

Day 1: Dom, sub, switch? What parts of BDSM interest you? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically, define your kinky self for us.

So perhaps you are thinking that this has changed, that I have found myself some sort of grand change and I am now a firm Dom or even a switch? Naw, still very much a submissive individual. However, I have found that there are significant facets to my submission. This also really I have found has tied into what parts of BDSM I find myself drawn to.

But let’s break this down first just the basics before we get a little deeper.

Bondage: Still I think I am into, but something that is not an active part of who I am. This isn’t to say that it is a limit, quite the contrary it is something I am rather eager to have done to me. However, it is something that is very hard for me to want, because of past experience in which it has been tainted. My wrists being held or bound in some way has become a huge trigger of mine from a past relationship where it was used against me in an abusive manner. But something I really want to work past at some point with a person I can trust to know I need a gentle hand.

Dominance/submission: Oh boy, so this is going to be complicated. It does fall back on having my submission in the past being very much abused and used as a way to control me. But I am finding myself actually having someone I can trust again to take the time that is needed so that I can feel comfortable in actually being submissive once more. I still have my days where I have to take a moment and look at what is going on, that I still have the ability to say ‘no’ even though I have agreed to something. Because that ability has been given back to me.

Sadism/masochism: So not much has changed here, I still enjoy it on so many levels. I mean I have upped my level of tattoos and even been branded at this point. It is more than just the pain as well. I have come to enjoy the actual enjoyment of the sadists in my life when they are amused by my pain. It has slipped its way into simple things from being okay to let people hear me get a deep massage to the smirk on someone’s face as they watch me deal with of all things the pins and needles in my leg from sitting curled up for too long. Or how suggestible I am to certain feelings due to an overactive imagination that can just feel something like someone pretending to stitch at my skin and the shivers it sends up my spine. Though health issues have kept any more than that from happening because I have had to be very careful with what I can do. The most I have earned in bruises has been falling down my stairs.

right leg brand

Brand freshly done (this was the the second round)

There are a lot of other smaller sides of BDSM that I have started to also identify more with but I am trying to find where I fit in or reclaim them from issues in my past. The two largest being both Primal and my little side.

Primal I realize that I have a side to me that does not always think with a human mindset. I work on a very basic set of instincts that for me mostly stick to being prey minded but I know that now and then, there is a bit of a predator in there (though not by much if far bigger ones are around.)

My little side, well that is going to get its own whole post here as I have started working out those issues and has turned into such. But it is one that I want to highly reclaim from my past.

So in a basic nutshell, this is the bare bones of who I am kink-wise. The next few weeks of doing this will certainly expound upon each bit in one way or another.



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30 Days of Kink: Redux

It has been five years since I worked on my 30 days of Kink for the first time, and I have to say there are times that I thought about going back to just scrap every post I had made. But I started thinking about it and decided that it was better to keep it there and start over. Why? Because honestly, I wanted to be able to show my journey and the changes that have happened in this time with who I have become as a kinky individual.

Now the last time, I got nowhere near finishing all 30 days only actually getting 16 of the full 30 days done. This time I do plan on finishing all 30 as well as linking to the original posts when available.

Will I do them all in order? Likely not, but I am going to try.

Will I get them all done in a 30-day span? Very much not going to happen, I plan to work on them but I am not going to push myself this time to reach them via a deadline which I think is what slowed me down the last time.  They will likely happen in highs and lows over the next few weeks. I want to really work and explore each one. Especially the ones that I have past posts.

Once again I will be using this starting post as the main place to keep track of all of them. Though this time with a new tag so that the two can be seperated from one another in some fashion.

So without further ado, here is that list once again. I hope you enjoy following me on this ride once more.

30 Days of Kink

Day 1: Dom, sub, switch? What parts of BDSM interest you? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically, define your kinky self for us.
Day 2: List your kinks.
Day 3: How did you discover you were kinky?
Day 4: Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?
Day 5: What was your first kinky sexual experience?
Day 6: Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy.
Day 7: What’s your favorite toy?
Day 8: Post a kinky image you find erotic.
Day 9: Post a kink related song or music video you enjoy.
Day 10: What are your hard limits?
Day 11: What are your views on the ethics of kink?
Day 12: Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you’ve had. If you haven’t had one, talk about aspects of kink/BDSM you find funny.
Day 13: Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you? Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?
Day 14: How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink? If you haven’t experienced real life BDSM/kink how do you think it might differ?
Day 15: Post a BDSM/kink activity you’re curious about and would like to try.
Day 16: What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?
Day 17: What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?
Day 18: Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves? If so, what are they?
Day 19: Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life? If so, what are they?
Day 20: Talk about something within kink/BDSM that you’re curious about/don’t understand.
Day 21: Favorite BDSM related book (fiction or non-fiction)
Day 22: What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?
Day 23: Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed? How so?
Day 24: What qualities do you look for in a partner?
Day 25: How open are you about your kinks?
Day 26: What’s your opinion on online BDSM play?
Day 27: Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?
Day 28: How do you dress for kink/BDSM play? What significance does your attire have to you?
Day 29: Do you have a BDSM title (e.g. mistress, master, slut, pig, whore, princess, goddess, ma’am, sir)? What is your opinion of the use of titles in general?
Day 30: Whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to write about.

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Exotic-Erotics: Medium Phoenix

It has been a while since I posted a review, but this one I have had sitting in my collection for quite some time. Life had kept me from really sitting down and putting my fingers to keys to write about the Phoenix from Exotic-Erotics that was kindly sent to me for review.

Let’s get down to the details of this toy first.


Material: Silicone
Length: 8″
Insertable length: 7″
Girth: 7.75″
Harness compatible: yes (Option when buying, I did not choose it.)
Suction cup: yes
Safe for anal: yes (very large base)

Now this is not the first toy from Exotic-Erotics I have tried, I am rather fond of my Werewolf and it gets a lot of use from me. As for my Phoenix, I do adore it not only for the girth and length which is quite the plus, but also the shape. As you can see from pictures it starts with a slim but tapered head, before it gets into the girthy bottom (knot) like ending. Which does take awhile and a bit of lube to really get to the point of being able to take all of it without any discomfort, mine is made with a soft firmness in both the base and shaft of the toy. Which is what I need to be able to take all of the knot when I am really trying to. I also found that it allowed the head of the toy to curve slightly against my cervix to allow for a bit more room but did not hurt or cause any discomfort when it happened.


Werewolf Knot compared to Phoenix Knot


I found the slightly bulbed curve of the head when I am not particularly feeling like working myself up to taking the knot can be perfect for pressing into my g-spot during insertion. Which felt good but the softness of the toy didn’t lend for the right amount of pressure to allow me to orgasm that way but still felt good. If I knew I could take the whole toy at a medium firmness I believe that would have been enough.

Because it is made of silicone a water base lube is of course highly recommended over anything else. Plus clean up is super easy, I found its best to give it a good wipe down after use and then a nice dip in a hot bath of water to sterilize it. The ridges on mine seemed to need some looking after

What is great about Exotic-Erotics other than they clearly awesome fantasy shapes you can get your hands on, is the customization. You can go for most colors when it comes to the toys as you can see with mine I just had to go with the flame color for something based off a phoenix of all things. I think if there was anything I would have changed was a base that was firmer to really stand up as the shape is a bit odd and mine tends to give to tipping over if I am not holding it up or it is inserted. Plus they gave me a super lovely bag to keep it all safe in (cause we all know silicone is a magnet for cat hair).

Overall, I am a big fan of not only the Phoenix but Exotic-Erotics as well. I cannot wait for a chance to get my hands on more of their toys one way or the other!

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Review: Womanizer Pro (W500)

img_20161202_180850What can I say about the Womanizer W500 that hasn’t seriously already been said before, I mean hell Buzzfeed recently did a whole YouTube video on it and I have to say all of the reactions in this are ones that I have had even with being someone who has used a significant number of toys! But I have to say that this one is like nothing I have ever used in my time of doing this before.

While I could go on about the name being cringe worthy, that has been also covered by many other bloggers. I will say I was happy not to get mine in pink with leopard prints as I find most of the designs they use garish, though I am happy they are not your standard pinks, purples and baby blues that most toys made for women seem to get. The Swarovski crystal element certainly made it fancy but when it comes down to what I am looking for in toys it is not a need, just a small bit of flair. For my hand I found the round design of the toy to be a little larger than what felt totally comfortable but it wasn’t something that took away from my overall experience with the Womanizer.

So let’s get into the experience itself. When you first turn the toy on the fact that there is no buzz or vibration is a little unsettling as you try to figure out just how it works. Seeing the tip glowing red it makes me raise an eyebrow, but it isn’t bright and when the lights are off it isn’t like a glowing beacon under my blankets as I move. Then as I put my finger over the tip I feel the soft, not quite suction feeling and as I turn it up to the highest intensity I have to wonder just how the hell I am going to get off.


The reason I wonder this is because so many things I have read including from the site for the Womanizer W500 is that it ‘mimics’  the feeling of oral sex. Which I surprisingly have not had a lot of with past partners and when I have it was never something I was comfortable with getting off during half the time. So I know I am already going into this with some pre-assumed feelings because I have never gotten off in under 3 minutes even with my Hitachi so how could this do the trick?

I still don’t know, after a little work at getting it settled on my clit, I laid back and after lubing it up I got it settled on my clit and then before I had even gotten that into the porn I was watching I was biting down on my lip as I came. Seriously, it was as intense as if I had been watching for the last 10 min and building up to it. But not too much that I couldn’t dive back in after a few seconds of catching my breath and do it a few more times until I was stopping myself so I wouldn’t make a mess of my bed right before my roommates came back. Even they saw the intense pleased glow about me after giving myself a number of orgasms. All I know is that this air touch/pulse air/wind kiss/touch less/pressure wave intimate stimulator as the company calls it, works it’s ass off in just a few moments.

Now the instructions say to use lube with it, but I also gave it a shot without because I had to know if it would make any sort of difference in when I did use lube. For me personally, I found I actually like it with out the lube added, for me, it gives a slightly rough feeling that feels like the smallest of pinches on my clit that I happen to find pleasurable.

As for the rest of the big plusses that the Womanizer W500 has going for it, it charges via USB, it comes with two tips for different sizes of clits so you can get the right kind of suction that you want and for me it was quiet which is a thing that I love in my toys because I do share a room with people at times.  Clean up was pretty easy as well, the tips come off and I found that all I needed to really use was a toothbrush with cleaner and hot water on the rest of it just to keep it all clean based on where the rest of the toy touches me during use. The air itself seems to cause all of the lube that I did use the first time to I suppose evaporate which was pretty neat, so nothing in that regard was left behind.  I think the only huge downside I had for it was that it is not splash/water proof because this is a toy that I would adore having in the shower if I could.

I wish that I could compare the Womanizer to any other toys but I can’t, there is literally nothing else like it that I have ever used or had used on me. All I have is my own experience to share with others that from what I can tell match up with so many other women who have gotten to get their hands on this toy.

The toy itself does hold a steep price, at as high as $219 depending on where you are looking. The company sells their product itself on their Amazon page in a number of different countries but you can also find it places like Good Vibrations or Shevibe.com. So you do have a number of places to look depending on who you prefer shopping with or your budget.



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State of the Fox

Back during the summer, I was gearing up to get new reviews out things from Crystal Delights, Tantus and even the famed Womanizer! But life decided to get in my way you see. Throwing things off balance in the way that only 2016 has seemed to be able.

Around the time of my last post I started to feel super ill, stomach troubles. Mostly pain as it started to seem like maybe my appendix or just a not enough <blank> in my diet causing the issue. Weeks of this, of at least 3 trips to the ER before we discovered that in fact, it was not any of these things but my gallbladder. It went from being quite alright to BOOM 30% functional. When really it needs to be working at an optimal 70% according to the doctor who told me this little factoid. So I was going to get it removed,

So I was going to get it removed, surgury was going to be planned after the last ER visit and things were rolling to getting better. But my dear readers this can’t be a simple ending, of course not. Just a couple days after coming home from the ER and getting back to work. I am violently back in the ER because my gallbladder decides it is time to pick a fight with my pancras. Of course. So there I am Labor Day weekend, in the hospital waiting until Tuesday to get into surgury. It was frustrating to say the least.

Then a few months of recovery, trying to redeem myself at work and then get transfered to another job because holiday work is just bouncing from one thing to the next. This is where I have been, a muddle of just trying to get myself back in order. I think I am finally reaching a place where I can finally start doing this again. I have already taken the steps to retest toys so that I am not just trying to write about things that I half remembered.

So no deals or sales that I can push today, today I am just taking the time to be thinakful that I can keep doing this and to spend time with people. But soon I will be updating this whold damn thing like I promised months ago. So keep an eye out and I am so thankful also for those who have stuck around to keep reading my posts.


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