Often when I am not working, I get messages on the tumblr for my cam work, my email or my Skype name that I use for work. Guys who cannot seem to understand that this is a job, that I am not giving out freebies or looking to date.
What makes this worse, is at first I am actually polite. I let them know that I am happy to cam with them and that this is how we can make things work. What is worse is when they don’t understand that no I have set times I can work and I cannot be at beck and call for their pleasure. It’s however when they become irritating that I start to want to pull my hair out. Those are the guys who get the block button on them really quickly.
Though what is worse, is the guys who tip or pay for a show once or twice. Then think that they can just ask for whatever they want without having to ever pay again. Guys who think that just because I spend time talking with them in the room after they get what they paid for that I am entitled to give them more. I have had guys basically take it like suddenly they have put enough into me to basically be a boyfriend or some kind of relationship to me.
It’s honestly frustrating and has this way of making me feel like less of a person. What is even worse is that it has started to make me really worry about people I want to have honest relationships with. That they are only being nice for a short time and then its going to all turn into what they want, rather than what we both want. I am trying my hardest to make sure that it doesn’t cause this feeling anymore but I will be honest sometimes it can be hard. I don’t want to be looked at like someone who just needs to be bought a few things and then I will suddenly put out. I am a human being, no matter what I am doing as a job. People wouldn’t treat me that way if I was working retail still and I know this, when I was working retail people who were ‘courting’ me so to speak put time and effort into it. They didn’t think I was just some easy person.
What makes it worse is that I know there are people who would tell me that well, it is because of the job I am choosing to do. But that is hardly fair, it is what works for me now. It gives me the options that I need and it keeps me able to also be writing which I want to have eventually be my main job. They think they are entitled to say that to me based on the job as well, that it’s an opinion. Which sure people are entitled to, but that doesn’t mean they have to speak it out loud.
In the end, the only person who I am entitled to give or do anything for or to now.