Porn Parody Geek:Tru: A XXX Parody

As a fan of True Blood, I wanted to like this. I really did. My brain was super excited to watch as what I had thought would be almost like the show but with just a little more actual sex thrown in. Plus, it has James Deen in it whom in my world so far can do not too much wrong.

Sadly my high hopes came crashing to a halt very quickly.

Though a heads up before I start this completely, this has spoilers for Season 2 of the actual show and spoilers for the book series. Soooo if you have any interest in the actual show/book but haven’t seen/read either I suggest you either understand that spoilers are going to happen or turn back from whence you came.

It started out all fine and dandy with a montage of opening credits much like the show, with an instrumental country song that sounded not at all like the shows main theme. We start with no plot, nope just get straight into the sex without knowing who waste no time getting one another’s clothes off. In a white room, with white headless mannequins and creepy music playing in the background. Already, I am a little skeptical of how this is going to go. The two actors I know are Vanessa Naughty and Johnny Castle, they fuck one another but it’s all very basic…cowgirl, spoon, doggy, some oral all before he comes on her. Which, honestly…is the wash rinse repeat for most of the scenes. Plus, Johnny has fallen into the Sock Gap, and the whole scene I am turned off by seeing his tiny white Nike socks.

We only find out who Vannessa is playing in the next plot scene, after she rips out Johnny’s heart after demanding to know where Sookie Stackhouse is.

well we find her, at work of course. Ashlynn Brooke plays her, and I will say this about her, she does a pretty good Sookie. She is perky and annoying all at the same time. We see her with Sam (played by Evan Stone) they talk about how she wants to go see Bill and he makes mention about how Tara is not doing so well what with her cousin going missing. Okay this makes me think that its following the books, because Lafayette is Tara’s cousin and in the books yup he dies. No problem here. He lets her go of course cause Sookie always gets what she wants don’t you know? To which we find out, she is season 2 villan Mary Anne.

Okay well…in the book she was a character Callisto, so I guess we are mixing our book knowledge with our TV show knowledge. Or you know they just didn’t have a reason to keep the one Homosexual character around. Though honestly even if he didn’t get a scene his wit was much-needed in this. But back to my point…Mary Anne. She didn’t even know Sookie until the end of the series. But I was willing to look past it.

So her and Sam nearly have sex, which I am thankful they did not. I am not a huge fan of Evan Stone to be honest. But why don’t they? Cause Sookie screams….and he goes running. Least that is how it works in the show as well. So they find poor Lafayette dead as does Tara. Which we cut to a scene at night with them getting the body hauled away. I guess after jumping into sex they felt they had to give me a lot of plot. We do get to see James Deen show up as Bill. Which that wig he is wearing looks like a helmet. A big poofy hair helmet.

Bill takes Sookie to Fangtasia to try to find out if she can see if they know who killed Layfette. They get stopped at the door by Pam played by Shay Sights (in a bad blond wig I might have) and sadly she has none of the sharp wit that Pam has at all. She falls rather flat. So Sookie and Bill go through the bar…and she attempts to read the minds, of the Vampires.

Okay. Imma take a moment here to just go a little fan crazy. Sookie cannot. I repeat CANNOT, read vampires minds! That is the reason she falls for Bill in the first place. Seriously I realize this is a parody but can I have one thing hold true for a moment, like a huge character point?

Okay so Bill and Eric (Bill Bailey in a bad wig) verbally go at it and then we are back a Merlotts. Where Tara and Sookie’s brother Jason played by Levi Cash talk for a moment before he comforts her mourning, with his cock. Another wash rinse and repeat of the sex, with more annoying music in the background. At this point I am kind of zoning in and out of the whole thing. So much that I almost miss the whole next scene with Jason and random girl played by Gracie Glam. Which is supposed to be his girlfriend he spent season 1 high on V with. This one was a little interesting because the colors where very vivid thanks to it being a ‘V High’ and so I did like how it looked, even if it was wash rinse repeat on the sex.

Then things get interesting. We finally get a scene that is more than just M/F. Why we get a scene that is M/F/F with Eric, Pam and two local ‘virgins’ (Lindy Lane and Lana Violet) The whole thing though, takes place with this once small square chair as the center piece. So its kind of awkward to say the least when I wasn’t waiting for Eric’s wig to fall off. But it follows most of the same formula just with two more women instead of just one. Also more distracting music.

The last scene, is Bill and Sookie. I was ready for this scene. I wanted to see James in action, and I couldn’t have been any less turned on by it. Music was distracting, there was far to many close-ups on the female lead and again…it was wash, rinse and repeat with him cumming on her tits at the end. Normally I find that I love all of James’ scene, but this one the chemistry just did not seem to be there. Plus its the longest scene in the whole movie you would think that it would have a bit more to it. Just like with the rest of the scenes, for a porn that featured vampires it seemed like everyone was playing dead.

The end…well I won’t spoil it if you want to see it yourself, but to be honest like the rest of the movie its completely lack luster.

Overall, this parody does not hold up. I could masturbate better to an actual episode of True Blood itself then this, which in all honesty not ONCE did I could have just to say I did, but I just couldn’t get into anything that this movie had to offer. Perhaps this is someones cup of tea, but it is not mine.

About scarletrosefox

A late 20's kinky geek. Submissive. Bisexual. Writer. Lover of Corsets. Reviewer.
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