I want to relax, I really do. It’s the start of the Holiday season for my job and it leaves me a tight little ball of stress. My mind constantly going and moving even when I am trying to sleep. Even on the days that I do have off, it just keeps going. Gotta move, gotta go, gotta keep it all on my mind. I get so much done in a short time of three months, smiling faces and the thought that I am helping people find perfect gifts for their loved ones. It feels good, but there is also the traffic, the long hours, the crowds, and the people who are not really into the holiday cheer.
In the back of my mind there is a tiny voice that tells me, slow down…I don’t listen to it. I can’t hear it over the louder voice. But I know that it craves for me to just stop thinking, stop moving, don’t do anything and just be. I want to listen to it, but I know that it is just going to get drowned out by that louder voice that tells me to move. It is going to get overwhelmed by the stress to the point that I can’t hear its cries any more. It always happens, every year until I hit the New one worn, sore and tired…hardly able to start it off on the right foot.
Its in these moments that I want someone to make me relax. Just take away my need to think and instead just obey. To bind me down if I really seem to need it. Do whatever they wish to me, give me no choice no thought in the matter and take it all away. This is how I want to relax when the stress starts to build. I want to let it all go with whatever touch I am given, be it soft or rough. Cool or hot. Sting or thud. Whatever it takes to get me to that space in my head where I am just floating, myself but not myself. That choice to take away all my choices.
Tell me what to do, tell me what not to do, and punish me when my brain tries to turn back on and think too much. I want to hear how good I am being, praise me…so very simply for something that seem so simple and small, but in that moment is nothing more then a simple action with out over thinking it. Just take it all away so that I can have that that moment to relax, when I feel like I have no time at all.