Day 18: Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves? If so, what are they?
Okay I have one for each.
Kinky Pet Peeve
My biggest kinky pet peeve is the ‘Your Kink isn’t Kinky Enough’ and the ‘Your Kink is not My Kink so it’s not a kink’ that I have noticed that happens to kinky people. Are there kinks out there that you aren’t going to understand/like/think are kinky? I am sure there are, I know I have a few that fall under each of those. But that doesn’t make it any less of a kink for the person who has it. To them, that is there kink and we shouldn’t look down on them for it. Just because I am not into balloons…doesn’t make it any less kinky for those who are. Just like I have a kink for Supernatural creatures, which gets looked at these days as just a mainstream thing because of how popular certain creatures have become in the light of things like Twilight. But they are kinks none the less.
Sometimes when I am curious about a kink that gets brought up. I will research it, and I can find that there are reasons that I can find that YES this is so a kink. Not my kink, but I get it. With the internet at my finger tips, it doesn’t take to long to find the information that I need. Hell, I have found that though actually researching kinks that I didn’t think where a real kink that I could understand them enough that if my partner showed an interest I would at least be willing to try them. It has also helped me further define my hard limits of things I know I will never be into. So it can help to keep communication open between two people who are in a Kinky/BDSM relationship.
BDSM Pet Peeve
That being submissive means you will follow any orders given to you, or that you will listen to anyone who claims to be a Dom. This is one big, yeah…no for me. When it comes to my submission to another, that is me putting my trust in someone. I am not just going to listen to someone who I don’t trust, who I don’t believe is going to not harm me, abuse me, or use me in ways that we haven’t discussed. Which is another thing, when I am with someone in that nature, we have discussed boundaries. We have rules. We have constant communication between one another to make sure that things are running smoothly. Because their trust in me also matter, because I have to be open with them to tell them when things aren’t going right. I have the right to say my safeword and for things to stop right there. The way I see it is that if I am not comfortable in saying my safeword when I am not feeling right, then there is already an issue right there with someone.
Plus for myself, I must have a connection with a person before I am going to submit to them. I have friends who are Doms, and while I am Submissive they do not use that against me to get what they want. Because I am not their Submissive. Even when I talk to other Doms or other Submissives, it is on an equal level from the start. It may stay there, or it may change depending on what we end up speaking about. Another thing is that my BDSM is a bedroom thing only. It doesn’t extend past that most of the time because I am not in a 24/7 relationship. Perhaps that could change in the future but for now I am happy with where things are.
So yes you can get to know a woman who is Submissive but never assume that you have control of her from the start. Hardly any other Submissive woman or man I know just gives it away to any Dom who snaps their fingers.