Sultry Saturday: Thoughts on getting into BDSM

In the last year or so the interest in bringing more kink in to the bedroom has certainly skyrocketed it seems. This could be because of a certain book which will remain nameless here, but I will admit that it has had quite a bit of influence in people opening up to their kinky side.. It seems that even some of the most quiet of people I have spoken with seem infatuated with giving it a try. So I thought why not impart some of the basics that everyone should know. Of course I am not and expert on the subject at all, this is a lot of what I have learned over my time in the lifestyle that I would like to share.
BDSM Breakdown

When you break it down, the term is derived from the terms bondage, discipline, dominance and submission.

Bondage: This is the act of physical restraint. It is usually a sexual practice, again it doesn’t always boil down to that. There are those who enjoy bondage with out there having to be anything strictly sexual about it. But it does mean binding your partner in some fashion such as cuffs or even rope tied to an object.

Discipline: This falls into more of the mental or psychological bondage. Using rules and punishments to control the submissive behavior. To me this aspect is really like training.

Dominance and Submission: This is a set of rules, customs, rituals revolving around the giving and accepting of control of someone. This can be in of course a sexual way or even a lifestyle of its own. It is an exchange of power between people.
There are those who make a lifestyle and live 24/7 and then there are those that only practice in the bedroom. In a BSDM relationship there is always a dominant/top and a submissive/bottom. However, there are those who find that they can be either and those are known as switches. When a male is in the dominant role, they are referred to as Dom, Master, Sir or whatever you and your partner are comfortable with. When a female is in the dominant role terms such as Mistress, Domme, Ma’am or whatever you are comfortable with can be used. The same goes for submissives; Sub, Slave or whatever you and who you choose to play with find works.

BDSM Play and limits

Many people practice with those who they have been involved in a relationship, while others just practice with play partners or a friend. There are also those who have multiple play partners. One of the things to remember is to make sure that everyone involved is clean and that you get to know them. BDSM/kink, like any sexual play, is very intimate and you do want to be comfortable with who you are playing with. You want to have a partner that you feel like you can trust to communicate with you. A great way to find these people it to go to websites made for BDSM networking, and finding the groups in your area, or talking to your current partner about your curiosity in taking that step into BDSM.

Everyone has limits on what kind of play they enjoy, and what kind of play they are comfortable with. Take the time to go over with your partner the things that not only you like/dislike but also the same with them. There are plenty of lists on the internet to check out, and it’s okay if there are ‘kinky’ things you aren’t into. Not everyone’s flavor kink is the same, and that is what’s great!

One of my favorite things to do with these lists when I have a regular partner to play with is to print them out or just curl up together. Go through it, talk about each thing that comes up on the list with them. You are able to just be comfortable and really talk it out, you may find that there are things you are both wanting or curious about that you never knew the other may be into.
Safety and Safe Words

Finally, you cannot stress safety enough. You want to make sure you are always checking in with your partner. Making sure they are alright during a scene, like making sure to check in with your partner to see if things are tied just right or perhaps too tightly. It never can ruin a scene to check. It shows that your partner cares and that you can trust them when you are at your most vulnerable.

Going in hand with this is a Safe Word. This is something you use when things might be getting a little out of hand or when you have just had enough. If your partner is spanking you and you just couldn’t take another hit, you say the safe word and they will stop. When picking a safe word, it’s best to pick something that you normally would never say during sex/play so things like ‘no’ tend to be not chosen because in the heat of things I know my yeses have turned to nos. Instead you can use colors such as red or something more obscure like pineapple, popcorn or even Wyoming!

These are some of the most basic things about BDSM that I believe most people who are looking to start should know. As I said before, I am not an expert and even I am always learning more each day.  If you are curious about getting into more detail, there are a ton of books, articles and even classes out there. Check out the adult stores in your area for workshops or even adult conventions that might be happening.

Sultry Saturday

About scarletrosefox

A late 20's kinky geek. Submissive. Bisexual. Writer. Lover of Corsets. Reviewer.
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4 Responses to Sultry Saturday: Thoughts on getting into BDSM

  1. Heaven says:

    Thanks for the insight into the bdsm world.

  2. Really great insight. 🙂

  3. Sterling says:

    While this is a wonderful look into the world of BDSM, you forgot the third aspect of BDSM – SadoMasochism. Sadomasochism of course is broken down into it’s two component parts Sadism and Masochism. Sadism is arousal from the infliction of pain – either physical or emotional, and Masochism is arousal from having such pain inflicted upon you.

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