I have been, waffling on if I wanted to speak up and add my voice to they many that have already said perhaps what I am going to say. There have been blog posts and tweets from many other women, from the most unknown to famous people like Felicia Day, whom have all spoke up sharing their stories. So I was going to keep quiet, until I realized that really that was going against it.
What lit the fire under my ass was actually a comment made to me in my chat room made while I was working of ‘I love bigger girls, they are always so eager and never turn you down.’ and ‘If he met me in real life he would be all over me.’ That individual got quickly banned from my chat room, permanently. A few of my other viewers asked why I did that and my answer was simple.
“Because I may be on cam half-naked and performing sexual acts, but it’s because I want to. It’s because I enjoy it. It is not because I am easy. If I where to be recognized in real life by anyone who came into this room I would not have to do anything with them. That no one is any more entitled to my time or having to actually treat me with respect that I deserve. My job nor my weight don’t make me any more or less eager to do anything with anyone that I do not know.”
A few of them left after that, but the ones who stayed supported my words. They understand that on cam in the safety of my home I am more than confident on the camera. Because its true, there is this wall of safety. But even I know that with my currently blue hair and the fact that I am plus sized for all I know I could be recognized by someone who has viewed my cam. But even then I have every right to be treated like a human being and respected, not a sex toy. Really this goes for anyone who finds out about what I do be it this blog or my cam work, and yet not a night goes by without me banning at least a few guys who do not get this. Who think that they can say these words, or variations of them and it’s just going to get me to throw myself at them.
Of course it also happens in my life outside of cam work as well, even when guys don’t know. I cover up my chest so I don’t get leered at. I only wear short skirts as ‘costume’ for a character I play in my LARP (Live Action Roleplaying) game, which even then sometimes I opt for something different because I don’t want to deal with assholes at my game trying to sneak a peek up my skirt if I happen to sit wrong. I have been cat called while I was in a uniform on my way to work at Kinkos (before it was Fedex Office). Hell when I was in my teens I was walking home from the movies and split off from my at the time boyfriend. It was about 10 at night and about a block away from my home a man in a truck slowed down and tried to pick me up, I was 16. I wasn’t even legal but he didn’t seem to care. I had to bolt for my place out of fear he would try to follow me home. I have had guys tell me the only reason they where flirting with me is because they thought that someone who was my weight ‘should be grateful’ to be getting with anyone.
In the end what it all comes down to is rather simple, just because I like sex, doesn’t mean I want to have sex with you.